Thursday, September 27, 2007
So, today explains. I know I can't live with the fact, but what gives? It's fate. When sometimes I don't believe in fate cause I don't like the idea of me being in control of my life, on the other hand, sometimes fate proved to me that things going on around were true. Especially karma. It happens all the time, understand? Every moment you do, it'll definitely, freakishly shoot back at you. Karma. You can't escape. Not a second.
The main point. To someone, I'm terribly sorry but I've made my decision, and there's no turning back. I'm simply not the perfect person for you. You confidently say that I'm into no care and concern for you. But you never even knew how much I prayed for you, how much I prayed for the both of us to get back together. That is MY way of talking to god, praying. It may seem nothing to you, but love is in his hand to distribute. And instead, god showed me something. It wasn't something I expected, it wasn't something I prayed for. But he showed me. I finally realise that I should stay away. I used to be compelled to keep myself with you, but right now, it's totally something else. And have you forgotten what I did while you left home that moment, and I took my trouble looking for you? Have any of your EX-BOYFRIENDS bother to waste their time for such thing? I don't wanna say, you ask yourself.
I accept the fact that you think I'm changing. Yes, every human being changes under every circumstances. But what I told you, it was a lie. I didn't ignored you because of my prelims. Wait, as a matter of fact, I DIDN'T ignored you. But I stayed away and LEFT! Is that what Juraizat did to you? You were afraid that I might turn out to be like him, is that so? I seriously am so sorry. But after all that happened, I'm beginning to get CURIOUS about why did he change. Have you ever thought of that?
I didn't left you because of my prelims, but because of you. I can't afford to lose my patience any longer. Like I've always said, "Love yourself to love me". You simply just can't get that into your head. You wished that long ago, you were dead; you feel like jumping down from the 12th floor; you don't even care what will happen to you. They just add more wax into my ears, understand? You were talking to Rid on phone while we're still in school, Rid handed it to me but I just don't feel like talking. But when he forced to, yeah, I took it. I'm sorry to lie, saying that I was okay. You know I'm not, don't you? Good. You should still keep asking yourself why.
Anyways, your issues, making you throw your tantrums on me - I've forgive you WITHOUT your apology. But ask yourself, to what extent do you understand the term "Apology"? Is it admit, realise and apologise your mistakes and NEVER do it again? Or is it just to make others forget about it, settle the problem and you're free to do the same thing over and over? I learnt this mistake while I was still with Ariani. That's why I kept myself silent when you called her bitch. Now everything shoots back at you. You understand the whole thing now?
Now I'm making this final. To what I felt, I think we were closer while being in the mother-son relationship. We never argue. Please, look at ourselves now. We're in a mess. And if I never had my patience to keep forgiving you, this mess wouldn't have been tidy up for a long time. I'm sorry, Sweetheart. But I guess I'm going. Since you assume that I didn't care about you, and since you can't seem to take simple words of advices. We ain't in any relationships yet, and nothing seems to work. Okay, I know part of this was my fault for always making the wrong move. But so you know, I've always did trouble to get myself to you. So, without saying much, I'm stopping all these. I'm really sorry to disappoint you, and your family. But I'm doing this for a purpose, for a reason. When they ask, you tell them why.
That's all.
Labels : I swear I saw this coming.
6:39 PM
Rock On!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
I'm making this short. First of all, I'm taking up lots of time to calm myself down about the bloody exam results I had. Yes, I call it "bloody". There's a lot of red marks and underlines and crosses, understand? It sucks - big time.
Next, I'm gonna take lots of time to finish up my unfinished business. To hell with 'em all.
Finally, I ain't available to contact these few moments. Again, I'm gonna take lots of time to gather up bits of money to buy myself a prepaid card. Phone prepaid's almost gone. Sorry.
That's all.
Labels : That is the sound of inevitability. That is the sound of your death.
9:23 PM
Rock On!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Bleargh! I'm having sore throat now. And my voice really sounds deep. Real deep as though I took dozens on puffs from a thick cigar! Ouch.
Okay, I really enjoyed much yesterday with
Dearie. At first, I really had heavy eyes in the morning while having Chemistry class from 1000-1200hrs. Then, decided to head to the
Longkang cause of thinking that
Dearie's willing to wait for me to come, even for hours. It crossed my mind, quite so. So, headed there, and she's relieved. Glad to cheer her up, but I can't speak. It's because of my throat bleeding yesterday night. Coughs. It hurts my throat real bad.
I tried to speak, but seriously, I can't. All that came out of my mouth weren't voices, but air. Oh well, I took out my phone and typed in what I had to say. There's this one moment, I typed in "You look sweet..! =)", sat beside her and showed the text. She gave me that sweet smile, and I gave her a warm hug - Di
tepi longkang!
Haha! Well, we spent our lovely times there till 1400
hrs, when we had to meet Rid and Mas after their Art class.
Took 962 from
SunPlaza towards Woodlands, then headed to my home. Well, that explains.
At home, Rid played with
Ameen and
Ameerul's hamsters. Gawd! They're a couple of cuties!
Hmm, then all of us went into
Mak and Ayah's room to play Sims 2. That was the time they saw me and
Dearie's character, making out?!
Haha!
Dearie closed my eyes,
forbiding me to see what those characters were doing. Like hello! I've seen enough
everytime I played the game!
Haha!
Hmm, after being bored of it,
Dearie asked me to help her to train her Maple Story character. Gosh, how cute.
Hehe!
By then, my voice came back slowly.
Yipee!
At 1850hrs, I rushed to the kitchen and began cooking instant noodles for all of us, for break fast. And whew! It tasted awesome!
At around 1945, we left to Woodlands
MRT because Rid had to meet Min for
terawih prayers. Mas had to go home too. So, left with me and
Dearie. We went to Causeway Point and bought bubble tea for the both of us, my treat!
Hmm, then we headed to bazaar, looking for foods here and there. It's boring though, not as merry as those previous years. Shocked to know, I met
Qistina there.
Haha! Old friend suddenly said out "Hello
Khai!"
Haha! So yeah, we then went to
Fushan Garden.
Wow, all I could say, it's the most beautiful night I've spent with someone I loved. I won't say much, but hugs and kisses were loved!
Haha! We're NAUGHTY!
So, ended the day by sending her home as usual, and home sweet home.
That's all.
Labels : That's why the rest of us are just going to ENJOY the show!
11:22 AM
Rock On!
Friday, September 21, 2007
Should I say, today really sucked? Honestly. What's going on? And why are people really messing things up and tossing every single issues of theirs at me? Can I know the answer to that question? It's that god-damned question that brought me writing in this blog. It's that god-damned question that left me wondering and scratching my head, HARD!
First of all, a bunch of male crooks really threw their words here and there, in the MRT, on my way home from prayers. Who they were? I seriously have no idea. Pekik tak tentu arah macam train ni bapak kau yang beli sejak kau kecik gitu. You've got future, and ... I'm seriously wondering why you do. Whatever. At least I alighted before they do.
Next, after break fast, I really coughed my throat hard. The cough with distorted sound, that kinda stuff. You know? Right, I felt like something came out of my throat. I thought it was that "kahak" that I coughed out. Rushed to the sink, spitted them all out. And guess what was that? It's blood.
Which vividly reminds me of my throat infection I had last year. But this time, more blood, and really bloody. Told Muna about it and she got panicked. Great! I coughed out blood for like about two times more, and my chest started to hurt real bad. Layed myself on the sofa and drank the barley drink Ameen bought. No effect.
Fine. I just went on with the night like an idiot being all alone at home. Apparently, more sources for headaches came by. And that sucks.
Okay, I was told to help out in an arguement between Iqbal and Hazril, old friends I guess. One was against the other for a lady. Yes, sweet-looking indeed. But a bitch inside. Tudung before, tatoos then. Come on, you guys are men of your own religion. Can't you guys get better? So, yeah. I told them those. And guess what? Both of them got really burnt up about my words. What the fish?! I was really trying to save you guys there okay? Since one of you can't give in, why not if both of you don't get her at all? Afterall, she's really bitchy!
They both threw me with blah blah and blahs. I didn't say a word and just left the conversation. It's always better to talk with your own sweetheart, isn't it? So, I started typing down my sweet talks to her. And shitly, before I could, I was invited by those two again, and threw me with those blah blah and blahs again! Urgh! Screw you, bastards! Splat, splash, blush, dush. Words flew here and there. Don't wanna talk about it.
Of course, it really turned my day down, doesn't it? I really had no mood to talk, and seriously, I don't. Muna talked to me about her stuffs, and I just read what she said. Cigarrettes, clan, other stuffs. Okay, I just replied with a word or few. And heck, she suddenly blew up? Why? What the heck did I do wrong? Then she said that she's going off. Okay. And she'll meet me tomorrow IF she has the mood. That REALLY does it! Why not if you don't meet me at all? Would that cheer you up?
I don't understand why are all these happening to us. But what I kept thinking was, we aren't in any relationship YET. But we kept having quarrels here and there. Doesn't it seems like there's something wrong here? I don't know. You should ask yourself. And you know what? I just wished you know how devoted I've always been to you ; carving your name on the desktop, creating OUR characters in the Sims 2 game, staring at your photo you gave me. Now that it's happening, I'm beginning to have doubts.
That's all.
Labels : I was compelled to stay, compelled to disobey.
10:50 PM
Rock On!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Okay, I just woke up from bed. Still, I'm worn off like I've just got back from a long journey. Heck, I only got to school to attempt a 1 hour paper and got my ass back home. There's seriously nothing much to do outside. And I just wanna plan on going out with Dearie today. Instead, she've already planned to go to Longkang with Rid and Hidayah, and I'm forbidden to come along. Pfft. Whatever.
Hmm, I'm not in a good mood right now. Frankly speaking, I'm in need of better rest than I always had. Argh! I'm not afraid to throw this phone against the wall and watch it die off while its pieces being opened up to pieces, okay?! Yeah, okay, fine. I'm fasting, so I can't.
That's it! I'm going to bed and let these millions of thoughts flow through.
That's all.
Labels : I hated this place. It's the SMELL!!
2:10 PM
Rock On!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Goodness. It's only 2245 hrs, and I'm going off to bed real soon. I don't feel good at the moment, and I mean REALLY! Sometimes I don't even know whether I'm sick or just TOO WEAK. Either way, they really sucked. Furthermore, it came bothering me in the exam period. Can tell me how
sucky that'll be? I held in my anger and frustration inside so as not to hurt anyone, especially
Dearie. She's not feeling well herself. And I'd thought I'd have to be more selfless.
Heat's raging up in my body. It took me dozens of strength just to type while chatting. And at one
sucky moment, I was half-way to replying
Dearie in
MSN. I really can't take it
nomore. Rested on the chair for a while and struggled my way to the washroom. Gawd, that's awful! I splashed myself into the huge tub of water, although I'm still in my
clothing. The cold, the breeze, it's like I've been craving for it for years! The coolest thing was, the water became really warm after I got out.
Haha!
Dried myself up and changed my clothes. Well, I felt cool for awhile. Got back on the PC and continued chatting with
Dearie. Gosh, how could I leave her just like that?!
Hmm, just a slight relief as I said. And I'm still having a few aches here and there. Really weak.
That's all.
Labels : I'm still "Only Human"!
8:47 PM
Rock On!
Monday, September 17, 2007
Whee!! I'm in Muna's house, updating this blog. It looks dead isn't it? Great! I'm back in to keep it alive! Hmm, this maybe a short post cause I've gotta go soon.
Hmm, she's somewhere beside me, watching TV. Looking at her and her smile. Argh! Melts! Haha! Shh! Hmm, I'm getting along well with her family though. Feels so good to be accepted in. Ooo-yeah! Erm, what else should I say? I went to the Bazaar with her to buy some foods for break fast. A MUST buy was the Putu Bambu, her mom's favourite. Haha! Mesti menang hati "Ibu Mertuaku". Oh gawd...
That's all.
Labels : I've gotta say, I'm starting to believe in you, too.
9:09 PM
Rock On!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Well, I'm really tired right now. All worn off. Work yesterday was such a murderer. But thirty four bucks ain't that bad I guess. Hmm, tomorrow's schooling. Part of me can't wait for it, while others are pulling me away. I've not done any of the homeworks, that's my doom.
Anyways, holidays are really weird. The thing that came up a few days ago was that someone suddenly came telling me to forget her. Whatever reasons for it. What was expected for me to do? Kneel down? Sorry, I've got my own harga diri and I don't wanna waste my time for those. I don't wanna waste my time asking what happened also. Cause I'll leave it to you to ask yourself. Me? Bersabar sajer lah. Mesti ada hikmah disebaliknya. =)
Bang! There goes the lightning! Or is it? Whatever.
I'm really glad for my Abang Sabar and Kak Ti. They came over just now and got along with us. Watched some videos during their wedding and had feasts together. Perfect!
Erm, I've gotta log off. I'm in the net cafe okay? Time's up!
That's all.
Labels : Enemies must we be?
10:27 PM
Rock On!
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Erm, this might be a short post. I've got not much to talk about. These few days
Muna, Rid and
Heedayah have been coming to my house for studying. But instead, I tempted them into watching
Hikmah 2 and 3 from the
CDs I had. They just couldn't take their eyes away from watching them!
Nyahaha!
Hmm, well. I'm getting really bored at home all alone with my maid and my disabled sis,
Kak Ayu. There's nothing much I can do here. I missed my family somehow. Wondered how is it like in
Pangkor.
I'm running short of money. It's like I've been the one paying for all the groceries for my survival. Dad gave me a hundred bucks before leaving to
Pangkor. I spent about 30 bucks , treating myself and
Muna on
Gela're.
Haha! Damn! The ice-cream was so ...
OOOOHHH!!! Okays, I went to Causeway Point just now to do some shopping - somehow. Bought Gatsby Moving Rubber (purple),
Gillete shaver, Oral-B toothbrush and Option wallet (black).
Erm, was that even shopping? Whatever.
Hmm, I'm heading to school tomorrow. In my new look - new hairstyle and
Abang Sabar's glasses. Awesome isn't it? I just need atmosphere. I'm in a lot of mood to grab some air in town. Maybe to Singapore River? Gawd! I need someone to tag along!
Oh wait. Before I end this, I just wanna put in news that I got injured last Friday, during Cross Country. Actually, everything was fine till the end of Teachers' Day concert. The left side of my left foot ached real bad! What's more? I even went to town with
Muna on that day itself.
Erm, weird?
It still didn't cured much till now.
That's all.
Labels : You like what I've done with the place?
9:33 PM
Rock On!
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Unreciprocated Love ; LIVE on Teachers' Day!
YES! I've finally got myself into blogging! I've got lotsa story to tell, but unfortunately I'm in the Net Cafe'. So I've not much privacy here. Damn, I miss you guys! MSN, Friendster, phone, wherever. Thanks heaps for tagging my blog yeah? I love you people alot!
My heart eased down last Thursday after the Teachers' Appreciation Week performance. Nope, I didn't perform during Teachers' Day itself. Sucks isn't it? But oh well, at least the whole school got to witness it. This thinging began first thing in the morning, which also sucks anyways. I didn't slept the whole night thinking about it. Even if I did, it'll be just a few moments! And what I dreamt about was us performing on stage and did really well. Haha! Crap! Anyways, I was shivering myself in school before morning assembly. In my outfit, navy blue long-sleeved Tee, jeans and black blazer, everyone stared at me. Shits!
So uhh, let's fast forward shall we?
It was our turn and I looked damn nervous. Said my speech which was a long one. If I could recall, it went like this:
"Hey guys! Uhh, good morning. I'm Khai, the guy with the electric guitar is Alfian and the bassist is Ridaudin. We're the Unreciprocated Love. And umm, we're glad to have Aisyah and Jason to play the acoustics with us. So umm, the song we're gonna play is call Your Guardian Angel orginated by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. And this song is for all the teachers down here, mainly Mr. Trevor, Mrs Azwiza, Miss Anna Low, Mrs Lau and Miss Zhang. You guys have given us lots of love in this year of 2007 and before. This would be our final year in this school, and umm .. before we leave, we'd love to see you guys smile for one, last time.."
And the crowd went AWWW!! Ahaha! And I went on ..
"Anyways, umm, before we begin, I'd like to say a few lines of a poem, and this is for the teachers here. So umm, here it goes.
'My gift is my song,
and this one's for you.
And you can tell everybody,
that this is your song.
It may be quite simple,
but now that it's done.
I hope you don't mind,
that I put down in words.
How wonderful life is,
now you're in the world.'
.... and with that, ladies and gentlemen, we are the Unreciprocated Love, giving you Your Guardian Angel. Enjoy"
So the crowd cheered out loud and we started. I was kinda pissed off that my voice can't be heard from the mic. Alfian blasted his amplifier and the AVA crew can't be bothered to turn my mic volume up. At the bridge of the song, I had to raise my tune and voice and that was when the crew increase the volume. It was damn loud okay? And the crowd kinda closed their ears! Dammit! After all those, I went to the sidestage and sat down with my mouth shut. Then we recieved texts from our friends that we did real great! They loved us for god sake! Whoo! That eased me down abit. So, we continued our day with class parties and MORE CLASS PARTIES!
So umm, I'm alone at home for a week. My family went to Pangkor and Abang Sabar and his newly wedded wife, Kak Ti went to honeymoon. Congrats bro. Selamat Belated Pengantin Baru! Hah!
That's all.
Labels : What's the use of being in love when your best love betrayed you?
8:14 PM
Rock On!